Tune into Parenting Network for a great new line up this
season! Parenting Network offers a range of shows specifically for parents, covering
timely topics such as whining, temper tantrums, and teenage angst. There’s
something for everyone on the Parenting Network! The best thing is that we understand how real life moms and dads live—our format offers ninety
seconds of programming followed by a four minute commercial break to give you
the opportunity to referee fights, clean up cat puke, and change the laundry. Grab
a bowl of goldfish crackers and a juice box and join us for the fun this Fall! Here's a sneak peek at some of what's coming your way!
Teen Clean
Parents pay the show’s team to completely clean out,
repaint, and update the décor of their teen’s room while the teen is away for a
weekend. On Sunday afternoon the parent reveals the refurbished space to their
child, resulting in the teen having a complete breakdown over the invasion of
their privacy, and the disposal of their precious “stuff,” crying that their
parents just don’t “get” them.
Tween Jeopardy
Using the same format as the iconic original, Tween Jeopardy’s
topics target the interests of modern tweens and teens (Minecraft, the
Kardashians, proper eyebrow grooming). The twist? When contestants present
their answer-in-the-form-of-a-question,
the other participants and the host tell them they’re wrong, and argue with them.
The show will be moderated by a different guest presenter each week, including pop idols
Zayn Malik, Harry Styles, and Zendaya.
What’s For Dinner?
Three moms are challenged to make dinner with what they can
find in the show’s pantry (consisting primarily of Cheetos, canned tomatoes, snack size boxes of raisins, and mayonnaise), in between helping three children to complete
math and spelling homework, and finish a science fair project assigned three weeks ago, completely ignored at the time, and now due the next
day. The winner is the parent not actively having a nervous breakdown at the
end of the show.
School Countdown
Kids have twenty minutes to get ready for school—get dressed,
brush their teeth, collect their backpacks, and get to the school bus. Every episode
offers a special challenge such as
- I can’t find my homework. No, I swear I left it right here.
- I need a green pot holder, four plastic soda bottles, and a traffic cone for a project today or I get a zero.
- Have you seen my shoes?
Are You My Family?
Join in the hilarity as four families swap kids around, sending them to live with other parents! The children discover that all parents are mean, make their kids do homework, and refuse to let them have unlimited screen time. Parents learn that all kids are whiny assholes sometimes, which of course they already knew.
Easy Living Summer
Follow the summer vacations of three families. Watch the
parents’ resolve slowly deteriorate until the kids are eating popcorn and
American cheese slices for breakfast, watching television and playing computer
games all day long, and staying up until midnight every night. Share their pain
as the kids morph into unresponsive zombies, hell bent on unlearning every
particle of information from the previous school year. Each show ends with the
parents confessing the complete abandonment of their will to live. You’ll cry
and plead for the sweet release of death along with them!
4 comments:
Where can I sign up for this network? It's gotten to the point in my house where when the kids (have the gall to) ask me what's for dinner, I just laugh. Nobody eats anything I make anyway so it's time they learn how to make do (with cheetos and whatever else they can find in the pantry).
Seriously, someone needs to launch this network! I would watch!
I told one of mine last week that the next time he whined about what was for dinner he could make what I was intending to make himself, and then when everyone said they didn't like it, he might get it!
In my daughter's Child Development class last year each student took home one of those plastic babies that cries at least every 2 - 4 hours (including overnight) for 3 days. She wore a bracelet that she'd swipe over its chest (so the teacher knew she wasn't pawning it off on someone else), and then would have 2 minutes to figure out if it needed a bottle, a diaper change, burping, or rocking. The longer she took to figure it out, the louder the baby would cry. They use recordings of real newborn infants for these "babies"--it's actually pretty realistic, except that they are much easier to soothe than real babies. Apparently these dolls teach kids what it's really like to have a baby and are pretty effective in getting a girl or two per class to stop romanticizing the idea.
I think that this year, for her Child Development 2 class, they should be subjected to watching 3 continuous days of your parenting network shows. If the babies didn't dissuade them last year, these shows almost definitely would do the trick. They'll have to watch it in a different room from their parents, though, who are already "living the dream."
Very clever and realistic shows you've come up with!
Margot--thanks--glad you enjoyed them! I remember when I was a kid, a few schools did a similar exercise with those electronic pet things, and if your electronic pet "lived" through the whole two weeks or whatever it was, you passed. The baby sounds like it would be WAY more effective in removing the "glamour" of having a child. The electronic pets were annoying, but they typically went a bit longer between demands than a real child.
I wish someone would make these shows. Can't we have them instead of the Kardashians or anything with Alton Brown on it?
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