I see it’s 11 a.m. and I’m at work reflecting back on what I’ve done today. You know, reviewing my to do list, checking off my accomplishments…yeah, that’s what I’m doing. Here’s what I’ve done so far today:
Emptied half the dishwasher
The bottom half. I was running late out of the shower and only had time to do the plates and silverware.
Checked my horoscope, reviewed “The Daily Chanel,” and got an ear worm
Every day I commute with the same people, and we collaborate on the New York Times crossword puzzle. The people who create the New York Times crossword puzzle are sadistic bastards--every day there’s at least one clue that references a song, which inevitably gets stuck in my head. Today’s offering is “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5 (you’re welcome).
The horoscopes give the day a number that indicates how challenging it will be. I presume this is to give me a head’s up in case the odds are high that I might need a bail bondsman or a lawyer. Or both. We mostly just read the numbers, because like all horoscopes, the actual predictions are pretty vague and interchangeable. Today is a 9 for me, which means “easy,” which makes me wonder why I’m wasting a 9 at the office.
It appears Chanel has bought the upper left corner of page A2 of the New York Times for 344 consecutive weeks or something. Every day it is, of course, an item that is both practical and economical. A shearling clutch. A platinum and ruby wristwatch. Calfskin and patent leather sneaker boots (seriously—the bottom part is a sneaker, but they come to mid-calf and have laces all the way up). Often the price is printed, and naturally nothing is ever under a thousand dollars. Sometimes the price isn’t printed, which translates to, “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” We check the Daily Chanel regularly. I’m always looking for good gift ideas, after all.
Dealt with a dozen volunteer-related issues
I’m in charge of coordinating the after school programs at my kids’ school, and they start this week, so I’ve been dealing with little Tommy wants this but it’s full so can he have something else. Plus we had a bunch of late registrations I had to record.
Had an email debate with a friend about the virtues of Cool Whip versus Redi Whip
Seriously? Cool Whip is chemical sludge and leaves a slick in my mouth. It’s Redi Whip all the way for me.
Read a couple of blog posts, posted on Facebook, commented on Facebook posts and a couple of blog posts
Including the link to one of them here, because Leslie Marinelli of In the Powder Room is SO right on about the internet mommy trolls.
And let’s include this one, because the Oxford comma is correct, useful, and necessary. Lola Lolita of Sammiches & Psych meds will educate you, should you currently be in the Wrong Thinkers camp.
Read the “Quotes” from the movie “Pretty in Pink” on IMDB
Actually not my favorite John Hughes movie (that would have to be either “Sixteen Candles” or “The Breakfast Club”) because while I love Andrew McCarthy, I, along with the rest of Generation X, felt like Andi should have ended up with Duckie. I read the reason John Hughes even made “Some Kind of Wonderful” is because he wanted Andi to end up with Duckie too, but the studio forced him to change the ending so she ended up with Blane. "Some Kind of Wonderful" ended the way he wanted "Pretty in Pink" to end. There, don’t say you never learned anything from me.
Went to the drug store, ostensibly for itch cream, but really for Halloween candy
I still have the remnants of this rash, but I was also out of miniature candy bars so I had to go get some. I hate Halloween. I have zero self-control and I love candy. Basically Halloween sucks for me. So I came back with itch cream, miniature Take Five bars, and miniature Heath bars. AND DON’T YOU JUDGE ME. (Also, may I ask just what is wrong with our society that miniature Heath bars are only available at Halloween? That’s effed up, y’all).
I also bought a small bag of Sour Cream & Onion potato chips. Because nutrition.
Cursed GEICO for sending new insurance cards every other week
Why do they DO this? It’s not like our coverage changes. It’s not like our policy number changes. And yet, every other month or so, there’s another envelope from Geico with new cards for us to distribute amongst ourselves. Naturally I never actually have one of those little buggers when I need it, which I did today. So I cursed at them. Not in any way they’ll ever know about—just under my breath while sitting at my desk, but it was cathartic for me. And it’s all about me, after all.
Found out my favorite soup is on the soup menu at my usual lunch spot.
And that was pretty much the highlight of my goddamned day so far.
What you’ll notice is conspicuously absent from this list is any form of actual work. Yeah. Don’t tell my boss, OK? I’m off to get my soup now.