Surely you're curious about who's responsible for this festival of lunacy

I have four children, one husband, one dog, and a full time job. For some people, sarcasm is a mood, or a facet of their personality. For me it pretty much is my personality. I laugh at everything, and almost nothing is off limits. (I do avoid religion and politics like they were covered in poop and rolled in glitter.) 

A few thoughts, presented Q&A style for your browsing pleasure.

So, new to the blogging neighborhood?
Actually, no. Although this blog is fairly new, I've been blogging for several years over at The Modern Apron (themodernapron.blogspot.com). It's a food blog, and frankly food blogging is really time consuming, to say nothing of costly. Not only do you have to have (or develop) a recipe, you have to figure out something to say about it (other than, "This is yummy"), and you also have to try the recipe a couple of times to make sure you're not giving people a set of instructions that won't work, plus take and edit pictures and do the write up. However, if you search for "Salted Caramel Cheesecake" on Pinterest, the picture of the whole one with a sort of grey surface under it? That's mine and you can click through to the recipe. It's been repinned over 1800 times (at last check, and that's just from my pin--I have no idea how many people repinned it from a repin). Because of how time consuming and expensive it is, I've kind of stopped updating The Modern Apron, at least for the time being.

Thanks, that was way more information than I needed. So what's THIS blog about?
The thoughts that drift aimlessly into the sieve that's what's left of my brain. Stuff that annoys me. Stuff that makes me laugh. Stuff that if I didn't write it down here, would cause me to lose my grip on what's left of my fragile sanity. Reasons why I drink (#1: Because I can, #2: Because I have children). While the other blog is a food blog, I think of this as more like an outlet for my rabid sarcasm.

So you have kids?
Yes, four. A preteen boy in middle school, and twin boys and a daughter in elementary school. They're pretty standard issue kids with all the affection for fart jokes and inability to follow directions that implies. Like pretty much every parent I know, I struggle with whether I'm doing a good job raising my children, and being convinced that I'm screwing them up to the point where they'll all spend their adult lives ripping off liquor stores and setting fire to orphanages. Some days the hardest thing is not necessarily knowing what to say to your kids, but knowing what not to say. Other days, the hardest thing is not killing them. Kind of depends on the day.

What are some things you like?
In no particular order (and leaving my husband, and my kids and their activities off the list), wine, pizza, magazines (topics include food, gardening, travel, fashion, and lifestyle), Facebook, proper grammar and punctuation, food in general, Diet Coke, office supplies, cheese, jigsaw puzzles, Christmas, the use of the Oxford comma, and obsessively planning in every aspect of my life (I'm a project manager, so it's what I do).

What are some things you don't like?
Ear worms, camping, whining, assholes (kind of a given--I don't really know anyone who's ever said, "Oh my god, I love assholes!"), professional sports, people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" (and, at the same time, people who refer to correctly using "your" and "you're" as using correct grammar), Halloween, Taylor Swift, Minecraft, glitter, the excessive use of "Reply All," Pillow Pets, tailgaters, and people who won't speed up even when you get right up on their bumper.

Favorite TV shows?
Weren't you paying attention? I have four kids. In the first place I have no time to watch TV, and in the second place, my TV is always tuned to the Disney Channel. The only thing I can say about television that's remotely relevant is that I can't stand the theme song to "Kickin' It" because I can't understand any of the words (except, "KICKIN' IT WITH YOU!"), and that I'd like to shove the kid who plays Cat on "Sam & Cat" down a well because her voice is so annoying I can barely stand it. Oh, and I hate SpongeBob so much he's banned in my house.

Bitter?
Let's call it caustic.

Love Boat or Fantasy Island?
Love Boat

Favorite child?
The one who's not whining for a "computer turn."

Do you have specific career goals?
Ideally, I will do as little work as possible for as much money as possible. In a perfect world, that would be "slightly more than none" and "at least seven figures." So far I'm not doing very well in achieving this goal, but I'll keep working at it.

Educational background?
I have a B.A. in English Literature & Language. I started to get a Masters degree in English Literary Theory, but I realized that listening to lectures about postcolonial theory at 9 o'clock at night after a full day of work is a glimpse of what Hell is really like, so I cut that shit out pretty quick.

What's your position on profanity?
Fuck yeah. I have a vocabulary like a drunk longshoreman with Tourette's syndrome. If profanity offends you, you're in the wrong place.

Generational stereotype with which you most closely identify?
GenX, thank you very much. Remember: If the elevator tries to bring you down/go crazy, punch a higher floor. Insert your own meaning for that here.

Red? White?
Yes, please.

Thoughts on life?
Check back here or subscribe to this blog. I share my thoughts and opinions the way a kid with stomach virus barfs up the pizza and Sour Patch Kids he ate at Chuck E Cheese. And sometimes it's about that appealing. But like the tagline of my blog says, life almost never rhymes. Sometimes it's just annoying and sucky, so I laugh at it instead of getting mad. Or I get mad and then laugh at it.  Either way, humor is my coping mechanism.

Got a pithy one sentence summation you'd like to share with the folks at home?
I don't bother taking myself too seriously—there are plenty of people out there who will do it for me.